I can’t believe it’s been almost one year. Looked at the guest book (www.marybarrett.com), and was overwhelmed again by the amount and variety of people touched by her life, and her music. What a precious child of God.
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Movin’ on up…!
I’m moving out (again). Yeah, baby!!! I’m so excited yet freaked out about the financially tightness this will bring. I’m both loving and hating the idea of living alone. Amber, come cook me dinner.
Getting “Unstuck”
I”ve never had the dream where I’m trying to from run
something, and it all seems as if it’s in slow motion like running
through thick mud. I have, however, felt that way over the
past year emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Tuesday night may have indeed been an eye-opening
moment in my living dream of thick mud. I attended the night
session of the Southeastern Calvary Chapel Pastor’s
Conference at CCMI.
This may sound weird to those of you ”un-churched,” or perhaps especially to those of you who are churched. Suffice it to say that this is not a bunch of pious men standing on stage behind a big pulpit looking down on all us sinner peons telling us how we should be living our lives differently. This is a group of incredibly humble, honest, intelligent, and passionate men living out the Truth that the Word of God has taught them in life. These are men who have made mistakes, hurt others, and been hurt, betrayed, and the like. You know, like the rest of us. One thing that usually makes us different is that they get up again, and keep running the race, where as I have the tendency to stay where I was last defeated. I praise God for these men, these servants, these teachers.
Story shorter: the combination of a second mini memorial-type service for Mary, the most genuine, for lack of better word, time of worship I’ve experienced in a long time – where at times my eyes would open to fall upon one of the most beautifully touching scenes on Earth: an entire church family lifting their hands lovingly, submissively, and humbly to the Lord, and having one of my closest friends on stage doing the same (my eyes are wet with tears even now) – the most down-to-earth, genuine, powerful message I’ve heard in years, and being surrounded by people I love so dearly it hurts, and knowing I am loved in return; the Spirit of God brought these things together in my heart, and I believe He “unstuck” me. Thank You, Father. I still have a long way to go, and I’m certainly not running yet, but by God’s grace as I begin again to sow into my spirit I believe I will run again.
The though of leaving that place, and especially going to work the next morning having my day filled with none of that evening’s touch, was incredible disheartening. Lord, teach me to commune with You in each moment, for no day set on You could ever be disheartening.
“I am glad about the coming of [the Pastor's Conference] for what was lacking on [my] your part they supplied. For they refreshed my spirit and yours. ” Corinthians 16:17-18
A Second Visit to Mary’s Tent
temporary tombstone
It’s really a blessing to work in the location that I do (at least for now…that’s another story) because I get to drive by Mary’s camp site on a regular basis, and when I have time, I stop by to say hello. I went by the other day for a little while on my way back to the office. I figure that with all the smoke break accumulated time I miss out on since I don’t smoke, I get to visit Mary. Although the sod over her site is now there, I was surprised that nearly two months later (has it been that long since I saw her beautiful face?) the tombstone was not there. I know nothing about these things, but really, what the heck….are we buidling a statue? Yeah right, Mary would roll over and knock it down.
Anyway,I grabbed my bible, and just sat to read and pray for a while. I prayed for Joe; I prayed for Don, and his family as I looked up at his wife’s grave; I asked the Lord to forgive my selfishness, and my neglect of Him, and I thanked God for being SO incredibly good to Mary. Is the CD finished yet? I absolutely cannot wait.
Some may think it odd, morbid, whatever, but I think it to be beautiful, so I snapped a few pics. It was a glorious day.
“It’s a jolly holiday with Mary….Mary makes the sun shine bright.”
Willkommen to my first surgery
It all started several months ago with pain every now and then in my wrist. It gradually grew more consistent, and intense, especially when aggravating it with something wonderful like drum or guitar playing. Eventually I began to see a small bump which I figured was an occult ganglion cyst, and was confirmed by my doctor, and orthopedist. You see by the pictures some of the tests done to make sure it really was what we all thought it was. I scheduled my surgery for Monday, March 10th, after my last scheduled playing of the drums for our women’s prayer and praise conference that previous Saturday, which was amazing by the way.
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Pretty much the pictures tell the rest of the story. Yesterday was the first day my hand wasn’t swollen, and the second day I actually was able to use my fingers, and stay awake the whole day. Praise God I wasn’t sick from the anesthesia, but wow, I had no idea it would wipe me out the whole week like it did. The pain killer didn’t work, I haven’t been able to sleep due to pain, and the awkwardness of the brace and trying to keep my hand elevated 24/7. Also, I’ve had just about every dream imaginable this past week…my brain has gone crazy at night, also not allowing me to rest much. Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in a week. It’s getting better though.
I’ve been humbled in more ways than one by all this: mom had to help me bathe, dress me, and do pretty much everything else you could think of – and those you would never think of until you experience it – that requires the use of two working hands (i.e. unscrewing a lid, putting your hair up, driving – although I’ve had to do that one-handed lately – opening a cd case…well, opening anything really, most cooking, cutting food, etc.). I’ve also realized how for granted I took playing music…guitar especially. Doctor says six weeks in the brace to let the tendons/ligaments heal, as he had to split them and go down into the joint. After that he says it could be six to twelve months before I regain full mobility….but we’ll see what God does about that. Please keep my recovery in your prayers.
I go tomorrow morning to get my stitches out. Stay tuned…
Caution Tape
If I could put caution tape over this site I would. I thought about calling this blog “Streams of Consciousness,” which would go with my love of psychology, and describe pretty accurately the way I often operate: thinking out loud. Hmmm…that would have been another appropriate title, one I’m sure I would’ve most definitely gotten an “Amen!” from Amber on. So why did I title my very first blog “Under Construction?” Because that’s the perpetual state I am in. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually I am a work in progress. No part of me is perfected. Only some parts of me are whole, and those are with scars. I am continually broken, and put back together again through various means of life to become “conformed to the image of Christ.” As much as my impatience sometimes causes anxiety and distrust in God, it’s all about the process. Waiting, pain, joy, frustration, hurt, disappointment, fulfillment, confusion, peace, rest, desperation, love, growth, maturity, brokenness, healing, and so much more is all in the process, not the end. Thus the caution tape you must envision over this site. Why I feel compelled to share this with you, inspite of fear of what you might think, or how you might see me, I’m not sure. It’s a part of the process God is working in me to trust Him in my being vulnerable. Let it be what He wills as the process continues…
