Under Construction

I came out on my screened-in porch this evening to have a cup of decaf (more on feeling, and becoming older later). I planned to continue an intensely genuine book that I have often stayed up late reading  just trying to get in one more chapter before drifting off to sleep.  Although the book is captivating I am quite distracted by the adolescent conversations I cannot help but hear going on below me near the pool. 

My cat, looking ever precious, lies on the table next to my open book and I find myself almost reaching over to cover his ears as I would a child to somehow save him from the pool-side profanity.  As I shift the book in my hands I remember that he’s a cat, not a child, and I continue trying to concentrate on the life of Martha Manning.  This becomes increasingly difficult when I hear phrases from the barely teenagers below me like “my f-ing legs tan but my arms won’t.”  She and her hardly-clothed-not-old-enough-to-drive girlfriends talk about whom of their peers have had babies as if they are speaking of who bought what shirt where last Friday. 

The one girl tells the same story three times in a matter of fifteen minutes about how her mom “finally” caught her smoking.  She takes a long drag. Another girl whom I know to have recently had a baby at fourteen is with them.  It saddens me to know her story, to know how well she has done, what progress she’s made in life and in her self over the months I’ve known her, the negative influences she’s chosen to get away from…now to sit, without her baby in arms listening to the same influences she did so well to get away from.

I wonder about the parents.  I wonder about my future children.  Will my daughter be sitting with her tween friends one day talking about sex, swearing, and hoping they don’t get caught smoking?  By the grace of God she won’t.  There is a tremendous amount to be said for non-hypocritical, biblical parenting (teaching by words, AND example)…but still, I know that my children, particularly before they decide (please God) to commit to following Him have their own minds to make up.  They have their own choices, and their own world of negativity and positive influence fighting  for them at every turn.  Praise the Sovereign Lord He’s on their side, and they will have the prayers of many to help guide and protect them.  I want children desperately, yet I am desperately afraid to have children.

My coffee is cold.