Archive for March, 2009

Dear John

March 30, 2009 at 4:12 pm · Filed under Nothing Much, Ranting, Thinking Out Loud ·Tagged , ,

Dear John Tesh,

My officemate and I listen to you at work from ten in the morning until three in the afternoon when your show is on.  That’s right, for five hours.

I give you credit for playing a variety of artists.  I can hear anyone from Phil Collins, to Carrie Underwood, to Celine Dion, to Chicago, to The Police, to Aerosmith, to Jason Mraz, to Eric Clapton, to Gavin Rossdale…However, variety is sorely lacking in the the area of songs from these artists.  Aerosmith had more hits than “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.”  Phil Collins had more hits than “You’ll be in my Heart.”  The Police had more hits than “I’ll be Watching You.”  Jason Mraz has more hits than “I’m Yours,” and Eric Clapton, seriously, you can’t pull a song other than “Layla” or “Tears in Heaven?”  All these songs are lovely, but five hours, five days a week of the same thirty songs?  That’s not variety John. 

And I bet you that if I listen to and obey all of the “Intelligence for Your Life” tidbits I will most likely die way before I’m 100.  Even though there are some good tips, and some decent info in what you share it is mostly commons sense stuff.  It disturbs me that some people comment on your show as if surprised to learn that if you sleep for at least eight hours a night, and get regular exercise you will have more energy and be generally healthier.  People don’t know that?  They have to learn it from your show?  Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re telling them then.  

One more thing, John.  Just because one person in one university, or one person in a foreign country somewhere did one study (usually with a very small sample population) that yielded some results  it does not produce solid enough data to pass on for people to run their lives by.   

John, you do a good job with your show. I’m incredibly thankful for the opportunity to listen to five hours of clean music, and deejaying during the week. All I’m asking for is a little more variety in song choices, and a little more effort on the research. 

Sincerely,
Leslie and fellow listeners of our “official at work station.”

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Last Year…

March 26, 2009 at 7:53 pm · Filed under Faith, Life, Vulnerable

I can’t even describe it. I went a long way to get to some of the places I found myself, and I’ve come a long way (I think) from them since then. I have no idea why I felt the need to post two of my journal entries from last year, but there they are, below.  Raw, honest, and true.  I pray somehow you will not feel so alone, or different anymore.

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I fear being this transparent.

March 26, 2009 at 7:49 pm · Filed under Battle, Faith, Growing Pains, Life, Vulnerable ·Tagged , ,

Personal Journal Entry-August 21, 2008

I’m forever conflicted with what to do; perpetually at war within myself; at war with the world outside me.  I’m never free of this war, indeed.  How is it that a Spirit-filled Christian woman, who knows the Word, who has an intense fear to be outside the will of God, who seeks obedience regardless of positive feelings in return, who counsels others in the ways of forgiveness, healing, peace, trusting God, and being devoted to His Word; a woman who feels called to helped others, especially women overcome, not just survive abuse and sin and strongholds; how is it that she fears her own capacity to sin, and rebel in outright disobedience to God; how is it that she finds herself now in a darker place than she ever thought possible?  Or maybe she’s always known this was a possibility, and gradually allowed herself to finally succumb to this demon’ s hand that has always been at her heal, pulling, and clawing, and trying to drag her down into the pit she so desperately has tried to get out, and stay out of?

Should she, as a Christian, know what she ought to do to overcome this?  She’s fed her flesh for so long, and totally starved her Spirit that it’s no wonder she finds herself here now.  Logically, and biblically it calls for repentance, for prayer, for allowing the Word of God to transform her from the inside out by the renewing of her mind.  She has known that kind of power, that kind of freedom before. She’s known God’s unswerving faithfulness, and grace. He alone is Truth. He alone has the power to make totally new a life.  The Word of God alone has the power to discern thoughts, to divide bone and marrow, to pierce hearts, to discern the intent of the heart, to make true, deep, and lasting change. 

I feel so incongruent; hypocritical; fake.  I hate that. What I hate the most is that looking back over my entire life I can honestly say that I’ve never truly felt content; felt whole; felt congruent, like what I felt on the inside is what others saw on the outside, and what others saw on the outside was fully representative of what was on the inside.

As passionate, zealous, and obedient as I’ve been, and as at peace and content as I’ve been at times, I’ve always had these things inside me that are so dark, and that I feel so ashamed of  I don’t speak of them to anyone.  I say, “everyone has struggles, things they deal with, I just need to keep pressing on…” However true that may be I don’t want to take another step in this Christian race of life with this ball and chain of guilt, shame, sin, and stronghold in my heart.

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Personal Journal Entry-July 26, 2008

March 26, 2009 at 7:26 pm · Filed under Battle, Faith, Growing Pains, Life, Vulnerable ·Tagged , , , , ,

My heart aches for so many things.  Lord, are they desires You’ve given me?  Are they selfish things that I want?  Oh, how I need Your wisdom to discern the truth.  I only want Your thoughts, I only want Your dreams in my heart.

I have no idea what anything means anymore. School, Germany, mission work, music, writing, counseling, friends, finding the man you want me to marry, moving out, staying at my job for however long, changing jobs, working at church, volunteering more at church, publishing Divorce Support for Teens material, buy Photoshop, and Publisher, the vocal training software, going to TN for a weekend alone with You, going to Germany with Fusion next summer, and staying, going with Jen and Nate, and staying, what book to read, what to study in Your Word, how to help Sharon, how to share Your love, Your Truth with the sweet girls at work, how to bless my family and friends, how to support missionaries, how to raise my own support for Germany, learning the German language, working with excellence in ALL things, including my job, not wasting company time, how to be content yet thriving and passionate, preparing for, and looking ahead to the future, writing music, Joyful Noise Ministry, how to be a wife, and a mother…

These are the things (and more) inside of me, and around me that I’m asking You to sort out, to prioritize, to heal, to change, to grow, to equip me with, and use to make me more like Your Son, to please You, and serve You the way You deserve to be served.

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Happy Anniversary, Dear Wrist

March 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm · Filed under Growing Pains, Life, Nothing Much ·Tagged , ,

A week ago I celebrated the one-year anniversary of my surgery. Okay, so I didn’t really celebrate rather I’m still disheartened, and frustrated that after a whole stinking year there is still pain when bending it forward and backward, and when putting pressure on it. Seriously folks, what the heck? 

Also, my fibromyalgia has been really acting up over the last two weeks, and I don’t know why.  I haven’t felt this bad for this long in years.

I guess that’s what getting old is all about, I mean I am turning 27 in two months. :)

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Another visit to Mary’s campground

March 13, 2009 at 11:54 am · Filed under Blessings, Faith, Life, Making Memories and Other Fun Stuff ·Tagged ,

It’s been too long since I visited sweet Mary.  I was happy to see the place for her grave stone was prepared, and with enough room for Joe.  That’ll really make you stop and think, seeing your name, date of birth and a dash…

I was reading in the Psalms as I like to do when sitting there and thought of Mary particularly when I got here:

“Because your lovingkindess is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My souls shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.  When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.”  Psalm 63:3-8

Tonight is praise night at CCM.  Joe will be sharing his testimony about life with Mary.  I saw it last night during rehearsal.  Throught the tears I was once again reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness, and Mary’s faithfulness.  I’m moved and challenged once more to push forward, to rejoice in all circumstances, and to be near to His heart at all times.

Join us tonight at 7pm via internet, it will be well worth it.

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