I signed up for a gym membership last week at Planet Fitness. *the blog title has nothing to do with Planet Fitness itself* I’ve wanted to join a gym for a while now, but time, and finances never permitted. Well, I don’t know how much longer time will lend itself to my getting in shape, but through a discount at work I was finally externally motivated enough to sign up. Trust me, knowing that I’m paying to use this place definately helps me to actually go there and use it.
So there I was, in the gym, for the first time. (I haven’t actually been to the gym since Lee, and then you went with about twelve of your best girlfriends, and never worked up enough of a sweat to where you couldn’t hold at least three conversations at once) Let me tell you that I had no idea I would feel as unnecessarily insecure as I did from 5:15-6 pm today.
There’s a term in adolescent psychology that I can’t remember to save my life right now, but it relates to an adolescent’s hyper self-awareness, or self-centeredness if you will, as if they are the main character on the stage of life. The adolescent goes about life perceiving that everyone around them is watching, critiquing them, etc., thus the adolescent interacts in such a way as to gain approval of those seemingly watching, to act in a way to illicit a positive response from them. Can I get an “amen” that we often act and think like that as adults?
I’m not fat, I’m not old, I’m as many would say, “in my prime,” and “thin.” Well, thin don’t mean healthy folks, that’s why I was at a gym doing cardio tonight. My point is, some would probably wonder as to why I had any reason to feel insecure. Let’s call it the social puberty phase, shall we? I felt so awkward and unsure of myself. As ridiculous as it may sound I thought surely people were thinking things like, “why is she in here?” “She’s clearly never been in a gym before, she can’t even work the machine.” “She must really be out of shape, she only ran for about two minutes and looked like she was going to pass out.” “Why is she doing it like that? That’s not the proper way to hold that machine.”
Oh yeah, I admit it…this is my insecure, neurotic brain in action folks. I have no real point to this post, but to say that I am still definitely ‘Under Construction,” if a visit to the gym brings out such insecurity. I pray “this too shall pass!”
to get me there, and keep me there for as long as He wills. 